Fantasy Unsports » Misc.

Charles Woodson Escapes A House Fire, Earns You 55 Points

Commissioner — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 14:06:57 +0000

Packers great Charles Woodson was in Michigan this week with his family, in part to celebrate their (sizable) gift to the Women’s Hospital at the University of Michigan (classy guy, that Charles Woodson… no sarcasm). And around 4am, the house somehow caught fire.

Everyone made it out alive, thank goodness, but the multi-million-dollar home was destroyed. Yikes.

That’s 55 points. Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like any of you had him on your team. Oops. Oh well.

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Three New Infractions Just Added

Commissioner — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 20:34:12 +0000

Hey guys. Just added a few more infraction events (scoring!) and wanted to tell you about them.

Pete Carroll just earned some points for releasing a book–good timing, Pete… next time, try releasing the book BEFORE the scandal comes out about your previous job. Worth 40 points. I’m sure it’s full of good insight on how to get your championships stripped.

Mike Williams of the Redskins will miss the entire year with a medical condition. Poor guy. That’s 60 points, though.

And Chad Ochocinco has declared this is the year the Bengals will win the Super Bowl–and that after that he’ll sign with the Miami Heat and win an NBA championship. Nice. Worth 25 points.

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Take The Quiz – Know Your Misbhaving NFL Stars

Commissioner — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 15:04:53 +0000

Hey guys. I created a fun quiz about NFL off-the-field incidents from years gone by. It’s 20 questions. There are some stumpers, but if you follow the NFL you should get most of them.

If you’re already signed up, you’ll get a couple extra waiver moves added to your account as a thank you for taking the quiz. If you’re not already signed up, you can do so in about 30 seconds right here.

Okay, on to the quiz… click here to begin.

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Chris Cooley Is At Summer Camp, Chugs Condiments

Commissioner — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 18:35:50 +0000

When I was a kid, the single most popular game to play at summer camp was something I liked to call “eat a bunch of disgusting food from a bag.” I think it’s official name had something to do with a relay race. They’d put a bag up front with gross food items in it like a stick of butter or a can of sardines. And one by one, each person on the team would have to reach into the bag and eat whatever they pulled out. The first team done with all items was the winner. I’m pretty sure I played this game 163 times as a kid.

Chris Cooley is playing it as an adult… in his own kitchen… with no teammates. Gross.

There’s video (which I could not figure out how to embed here) of him going down a condiment line in his own kitchen while he chugs things like mustard and no-stick baking spray. Nice.

Man, Chris Cooley–as weird as this is–sure seems like a regular kind of guy. Here’s hoping he can score some of our managers some points this season in Fantasy UnSports. And yes… “uploading a video of self pouring tons of condiments down your throat” would probably have qualified for some points if it had happened after July 1. I’m sure Cooley will do something else point-worthy during the season.

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Saints Pro Bowlers Play Dress Up – 30 Points

Commissioner — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 21:01:05 +0000

The Saints players who were named to the Pro Bowl, and who were therefore already in Miami, decided to greet the rest of their team when they arrived today.

Instead of just greeting them, though, they decided to dress as bellhops for the hotel the team is staying in.

That’s pretty funny, actually. And worth about 30 Points in my book. I’m going to give it to the entire Saints roster, instead of 30 a piece for all the Saints probowlers. So… if you have the Saints roster on your Fantasy UnSports roster, you just earned 30 points for this lighthearted prank. Enjoy!

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Kenny Britt Is Dog The Bounty Hunter Now – 45 Points

Commissioner — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 20:17:51 +0000

The Titans’ Kenny Britt might very well be making a last-minute push to out-earn Ochocinco in our little fantasy game. He already got into some legal trouble earlier this week with outstanding warrants… and now he’s bailed out a friend/relative to the tune of $165,000.

That’s right. Britt paid the bail. Didn’t use a Bondsman. Didn’t use a third party of any kind. Just went himself and paid the bail.

Now… that might not be a particularly newsworthy thing on its own… but given the charges the guy faces, and his past convictions, it’s a bit more alarming. The friend, named Albert Robinson, has two prior convictions on gun charges and three other previous indictments on other crimes. Sounds like a bad dude to me.

Here’s the prosecutor in the case:

“In our society, people are judged by the company they keep. It’s clear that there is a long-standing relationship between the defendant and Mr. Britt. But these charges against the defendant are very serious, one being a homicide-related incident. You can easily see what the guy is all about. A victim was shot to death in Jersey City.”

Britt’s fast, though… so I’m sure if Albert tries to skip his bond hearing, Kenny will be able to chase him down… perhaps they can make a reality show out of it.

Anyway, I’ve never heard of an active NFL player paying a $165,000 bail himself for a hardened criminal before, so I figured that was point-worthy. 45 of them, actually.

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Christmas Eve PQEs, Consider Them My Gifts To You

Commissioner — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 16:23:31 +0000

Colts receiver Anthony Gonzalez has finally been placed on IR, ending a season in which he’d played, like, 2 games. Poor guy. He’s actually really good, and I hope he comes back even stronger next year. 60 Points.

Jake Delhomme has also been placed on IR. They’re saying it might be the end for him in Carolina. Of course, they said that last year after his 6-interception game in the playoffs, and he didn’t go anywhere. 60 Points.

Steve Smith, of Carolina, has dropped the bombshell that his real name isn’t Steve Smith. Now, “announcing your name isn’t really your name” wasn’t previously on the list… but now it is. And it’s worth 35 points. What’s interesting to me is that Steve Smith has apparently been allowed to play for years with a fake name on his jersey, but Chad Ochocinco actually had to legally change his name in order for the NFL to let him put it on a jersey. Double standard much, NFL? Steve’s real name? Apparently it’s Stevonne. I can see why he changed it.

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Coming Soon To Your TV: Terrell Owens In Victoria Secret Wings – 45 Points

Commissioner — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 21:42:11 +0000

Did you know that T.O. just signed a modeling contract last week… with Wilhemina Models? Me neither, until commenter Tom pointed it out to me.

That’s pretty good, Terrell, but you’ve been out T.O.’d this year by your cousin… by a wide margin. You’ll have to do better than a single modeling contract if you want to catch the Ocho.

That being said, an NFL player signing a modeling contract with a real modeling agency is definitely worthy of a PQE, and 45 points.

Congrats to you Owens and Bills owners. Still time for him to get crazy again, but probably not time for him to catch Chad for total points earned in our league.

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A Series Of Unfortunate Football Events (PQE Pile)

Commissioner — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 16:57:36 +0000

Hey all. The Leaderboard is almost done… just have to get up these morning PQE notices and add them in… then the latest spreadsheet will go up.

Here are some PQE’s from this morning:

Okay, that’s it for now. Leaderboard in 20 minutes tops.

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Eagles’ Brent Celek Participates In First Known Branded TD Celebration – 75 Points

Commissioner — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 20:52:31 +0000

This is an awesome story with a particularly depressing ending.

Seems that Captain Morgan, the rum maker, had successfully planned and geared up a sneaky guerrilla marketing effort wherein NFL players would strike the same pose on the Captain Morgan bottle after scoring a TD, and in exchange the company would donate money to Gridiron Greats Assistance Fund, which provides money to retired players facing financial hardships.

Sounds like a win for everyone, right?

Wrong. The NFL can’t have any unpaid-for marketing in its league, and has officially banned the pose from being used in celebrations. Brent Celek, a little-known tight end who had heard rumblings about the promotion, is the first and the last player to participate. Fun’s over. Everyone go home. We can’t let players hold their hips and raise their leg after scoring. Nope. Because that would be free advertising, and the NFL MUST be paid for everything.

Are you freaking kidding me? A clever marketing idea that doesn’t affect the uniform or the game, that would have generated tons of buzz and interest in the league as well as tons of money for a worthy cause (that the NFL itself has long ignored) and they can’t tolerate it?!?!

Sheesh. Just when you think the league might be softening a bit, they do something like this. Not that I want my NFL games to be completely filled with inside jokes, viral marketing, and model posing. I don’t. But it’s so frustrating to have such an iron curtain around this league. Remember when they wouldn’t let Peyton Manning wear black shoes to honor Unitas, or let Mike Nolan wear a suit on the sidelines to honor his dad without having a special suit made by Reebok?!

On the flip side: Massive props to Captain Morgan for creating and executing the only known “guerrilla marketing touchdown celebration promotion.” They got a guy to pimp their brand to millions in exchange for a charitable donation. It’s the big brand equivalent of a streaking or a scoreboard marriage proposal… only even cooler. Too bad the NFL killed it after that.

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